FNI* Dateline Hollywood.

In a stunning turn of events, a team of high school researchers has discovered that James Cameron, famed director of blockbusters such as Titanic and part time armchair archeologist/debunker of Christianity (may she rest in peace), is actually dead and buried in a tomb in Biloxi, Mississippi.

According to students of the General Ulysses S Grant Public High School  in Biloxi Mississippi (Team:  The Fightin' Carbetbaggers), their social studies class was assigned to do tombstone rubbings at a local cemetary as part of a unit on local history.  Students were in for the shock of their lives when they discovered the tomb of famed director James Cameron.

Even more disturbing, according to Tom Watts,16, the student who actually did the rubbing of James Cameron's tomb, is that James Cameron actually lived from 1830-1907, meaning that the famed Hollywood director is not only 177 years old, but also that he is a member of the Court of the Undead.

"We don't know if he is like some kind of Black Court Vampire, or like, maybe just a Shade--which might explain why he prefers to frequent dark places like screening rooms and the dark corner at Spago." Said County Sheriff, Jimmy Bob Woczinski

Seeking further proof, reporters consulted fellow director/undead expert George Romero, who was quoted as saying, "I've always thought there was something fishy about that guy."

Subsequent DNA testing has shown that the bones in the tomb of James Cameron are human remains, silencing skeptics who were initially suspicious of the find.

In the words of Dr. Waputi Tse Tse, Biloxi County Coroner, "I mean, the guy's got the same name, and the bones have human DNA.  What more do you need?"

Even more disturbing, it was revealed that the Undead James Cameron may actually be the father of Canadian actor-turned-evangelist Kirk Cameron. "After all, they have the same last name" said investigative journalist, Geraldo Rivera.

Kirk Cameron did not return calls seeking confirmation of this rumor, but his press agent did respond with the following statement, "There is absolutely no truth to the rumor that Kirk is the demon spawn of the Undead James Cameron and has converted to Christianity in a desperate attempt to seek the secret means by which to purify his own tainted blood and defeat the army of undead minions under Count James' hypnotic command who served as extras on the sets of both Terminator 2 and Titanic and who are currently seeking to create an empire of universal undead domination. None at all."

*Fake News International