Excerpt from:
Holy Sex!
A Catholic Guide to Toe-Curling, Mind-Blowing, Infallible Loving
Introduction:
Holy Sex
Can You Handle the Truth?
A fruitful kiss, this, and wonderful for its astounding kindness, which does not press mouth to mouth but unites God with humanity.
~St Bernard of Clairvaux, On the Song of Songs
What if everything you thought you knew about sex was wrong?
You are about to discover Christianity’s best kept (albeit open) secret; the mystical power of sexual love and the surprising, practical insights this tradition reveals how you and your beloved can experience a passion that will empower you to “rise in ecstasy toward the Divine” (Pope Benedict XVI, Deus Caritas Est).
In Holy Sex! you will discover what it takes to celebrate a toe-curling, eye-popping, mind blowing, deeply spiritual and profoundly sacramental sexuality; a sexual relationship that is both fully sensual and fully equipped to move beyond sensuality so that it can become an authentically transformative, spiritual encounter. Heaven will be wedded to earth as you and your spouse walk the path toward becoming Infallible Lovers--the kind of lovers who can infuse their marital lives with a passion that reaches biblical proportions. Literally.
If these sound like big promises, they are meant to be. By the end of this book, you and your beloved will know how to create a passion that will make the angels smile and the neighbors sick with jealousy.
Liar, Liar…
Most people believe the lie that Christians, and Catholic Christians in particular, have a dim, ignorant, and pleasure killing view of sex. Nothing could be further from the truth! Not only can faithful Christian couples experience a sexual life that could make even the most jaded pagan jealous, but even more remarkably, Christian lovers are virtually commanded by God and their Faith to do so! If this comes as a surprise to you, you’re not alone. Most couples have bought the lies that keep them from their passionate inheritance. Most people think that only secular sexperts or ancient, moldering pagan mystics have anything to teach the world about sex. Most people have never encountered the truth, the beauty, the goodness and the vitality that is the mystical Christian spirituality of sex or the practical wisdom it imparts to those couples willing to seek it. Now you can know the truth, and the truth will set your love free.
In my capacity as a talk radio psychotherapist and author of many books on marriage and family life, I am regularly invited to give workshops on sex and marriage. I have shared many of the principles revealed in this book with audiences across the country. Here are some examples of the feedback I’ve gotten from my encounters with couples across the country.
“Why didn’t anyone tell me this before? You really opened my eyes. Thank you for showing us what marital love could be and giving us the tools to make it happen.” Erin. Buffalo, NY.
“I’ve been around, and I thought I knew everything about sex. I came away from your talk stunned. I hadn’t begun to scratch the surface before today. I’m ashamed to admit that my wife had to drag me to your talk. I’m so glad she did. This is the best thing that ever happened to our marriage.” Jim. Dallas, TX
“Before I heard you, I thought good Christians were supposed to be ashamed of their sexuality. Thank you for showing me the truth. I can’t wait to put your suggestions into practice. My husband isn’t going to know what hit him!” Renee. Ann Arbor, MI.
“This was wonderful. Faithful and practical! We’re going to remember this as the weekend that changed our marriage. I’ve been married 30 years, but you opened up a whole new world for us.” Matt. Chicago, Il.
What are these people, and thousands of others like them responding to? The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth about Holy Sex. Perhaps you are someone who believes that Christians know nothing worth knowing about sex—except how not to have fun while you “do it.” Or perhaps you are someone (a Christian or not) who believes that sex is “good,” but, at best, a “nice thing to do at the end of the day if you have the time and energy.” In either case, you are in for the shock of your life. This book not only explodes those myths (and many others), but also helps you mine the depths of a tradition that reveals the intimate core of sexuality and enables you to encounter lovemaking as God created it to be experienced—as a fully passionate, totally sensual, completely spiritual, remarkably transformational, revelatory, incarnational relationship. Consider this book your invitation to become the lover God wants you to be.
Parts is Parts
Part One of Holy Sex! blows apart the lies you’ve been told about Christianity and sex and introduces you to the freeing truths of Infallible Loving. You’ll come to view sex as a microcosm of your entire relationship. You’ll discover what it takes to experience the kind of passion that challenges you and your mate to become better lovers and better people.
Part Two gives you the tools to tap into The Five Powers of Holy Sex. You will discover how to expand your capacity to celebrate the sacred, redemptive, heavenly, uniting, and creative nature of sacred loving. You’ll learn to experience sex as a transformative encounter with incarnational love that unites God Himself with you and your beloved.
Part Three gives you everything you need to apply the principles of Holy Sex to your marriage. You’ll encounter many tips and techniques you and your spouse can use to become Infallible Lovers, capable of creating an authentic sexual relationship rooted in deep intimacy, soulful sensuality, and a vision that propels you toward perfection in love.
Finally, Part Four offers the practical guidance you need to overcome common sexual problems and obstacles that threaten your ability to experience everything your marriage was meant to be.
An Abundant Banquet
In my work as the Founder/Executive Director of the Pastoral Solutions Institute, I both conduct and supervise literally thousands of hours of pastoral tele-counseling per year with a predominantly Catholic population. People from around the world contact the Institute looking for faith-filled answers to life’s difficult questions. In my direct work with clients, I have had the opportunity to help countless people work through painful marriages and difficult sexual problems in frank and faithful discussions. I have also coached innumerable couples in solid relationships who wanted to take things to the next level. I have had the privilege of guiding these couples to a place of greater peace, joy, intimacy, and passion. In the course of our sessions, they have discovered what you are about to learn; wherever you have been, whatever you have experienced, and regardless of where you are at, God has an abundant banquet of love in store for you.
Holy Sex
Can you Handle It?
Some couples sneer at the idea that Holy Sex can be a path to authentic marital happiness. Instead of nurturing the Tree of Love and waiting to eat--at the peak of ripeness--the abundant fruit their effort produces, some people would rather spare themselves the effort, ignore the tree, and simply eat whatever fruit happens to fall to the ground, settling for what is cheap, easy, and often rotten.
God offers the joys of Holy Sex to everyone. Unfortunately, not everyone thinks Holy Sex is for them. But if you’re willing to open your mind to the reality that there is more for you and your beloved, and if you are willing to commit to the labor that real love requires, then I am confident that you will discover that Holy Sex is for you.
Can you handle the truth? Turn the page and find out.
Chapter One:
Holy Sex: The Truth is Out There
God who created man out of love also calls him to love—the fundamental and innate vocation of every human being. For man is created in the image and likeness of God who is himself love. Since God created him man and woman, their mutual love becomes an image of the absolute and unfailing love with which God loves man. It is good, very good, in the Creator’s eyes.
~Catechism of the Catholic Church #1604. (Author emphasis)
Walk into any bookstore and you will find that its shelves are positively pregnant with books about sex. Thanks to texts on tantric sex, karmic sex, kosher sex, sex for one, sex for more, and sexy sex for sex’s sake, our culture has advanced (with apologies to Dr. Seuss) to the point where you can do it on a plane, you can do it on a train, you can do it here, or there. Yes, my friends, you can do it anywhere—with confidence, impunity, and even—if you are so inclined—with malice aforethought.
But in the midst of the sea of information about sex, the unanswered question is “Can you do it…as a Christian?” To which the cynic responds, “Of course not!” And this goes double if you happen to be a Catholic Christian, in which case, the cynic would answer, “Not only can you not do it, you should be ashamed of yourself for even thinking about it.”
The cynics are wrong.
Uber-preacher Bishop Fulton Sheen once observed that, “Millions of people hate the Church for what they think she teaches. But there aren’t ten people who hate the Church for what she really teaches.” There are few occasions about which this can be said to be truer than those times when the topic of Catholic sexuality is raised. By now you’ve all seen the widely distributed brief from the press office for the National Association of Conventional Wisdom on All Things Catholic (NACWATC). For those of you who are not in the loop, the following is an actual copy of that famous document.
Memo
From: NACWATC
To: The World
Please note. Roman Catholics think anything sexual is a sin and
by the way, it’s all Augustine’s fault. Everyone knows that the Catholic
Church is a backward, oppressive, patriarchal institution that tolerates sex only
as a way of keeping its women barefoot and pregnant. Similarly, everyone
knows--as Monty Python so helpfully pointed out--that as far as Catholics
are concerned, every sperm is sacred and that the Church really doesn’t
want you to have sex unless a baby will definitely result every single time,
and even then you should feel really, really guilty about it because enjoying
yourself is absolutely, positively to be avoided by Catholics at all costs.
At any rate, suffice it to say that anything the Church teaches
about sex—which is really very little anyway—is utter nonsense, so kindly
ignore all those silly old men in their silly, pointy hats and go on about your business. Millions of people already ignore the Church on these issues. You should too. For fun and profit, please repeat this message as often as possible because as we all know, saying something over and over automatically makes it true. Thank you. That is all.
NACWATC Steering Committee
Two False Schools
Or, Alma Mala Mater
Fictitious memos aside, I suspect the majority people would be truly surprised to discover that most of what they think is Official Catholic Teaching™ about sex has actually been officially denounced as a heresy by the Catholic church at one point or another. This is especially true of the two predominant categories into which most people believe Catholic sexuality breaks down; The Keep God Out of My Bedroom School and The Aunt McGillicuddy’s Antique Urn School.